Recently, a friend of mine whose wife had just left him, expressed despair over the fact that nothing he did could pacify his wife. He just threw up his hands in dejection and said, “How to get back my wife?” I sympathized with him and asked what steps he had taken to reconcile with his wife. He said he had called twenty-thirty times, sent zillions of text messages and a bunch of flowers every day. Instead, all his wife had done was to send a message through her friend requesting him to stop making a fool of himself.
As I heard his sad tale, I could not stop shaking my head in disapproval. He had just done what a zillion of other guys had done to get back their wives and girlfriends but in vain. Then he said, “Stop being so cocky. Put yourself in my shoes and tell me how to get back my wife”.
I told him he had just given the answer. All he had to do was put himself in his wife’s shoes and think of everything that occurred from her view point. He just shook his head and said “Man, that’s crazy. You know how women think”. That is exactly the crux of issues related to husbands trying to get back their wives. They really have never thought nor have any idea of what their wives think. But does not mean you do not make an effort. There are other ways of knowing their wives’ perspective of the entire fight or break-up.
Most women have one close woman friend or a parent whom they consider as their confidante. These people play a huge role in your wife’s place - be it a dress, a step to be taken in their office or home, something regarding their kids - they will always consult this confidante and hear what they have to say. In some luckier relationships, these confidantes turn out to be their spouse. Speak to these confidantes as your wife is sure to have divulged some details and issues relating to you. This should help you understand what is actually stopping her from getting back to you. Think what you can do to resolve these issues. Discuss this with the confidante. It is not essential to seek the approval of the confidante but if the confidante has a heart and not already highly prejudiced, he or she is bound to put a good word for you to your wife and influence her thoughts.
Once this is done, ask your wife to meet you at some place. If she still refuses, get the confidante to get her some place where you can both meet neutrally. Talk to her in a friendly manner. Discuss issues in a dignified and calm manner. Do not patronize her. End the meeting with a friendly note and suggest the use of a marriage counselor.
